Herding Cats
An oracular red telephone rattled violently on Frank’s desk. He looked at it in terror, his mind racing… This can’t be happening… This can’t be happening... He lifted the receiver with a trembling hand and put it slowly to his ear. “Sir”, the voice on the other end quivered, “We have a situation… the um… the test subjects have all escaped.” Frank felt dizzy. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, reminding himself that it was, in fact, his job to herd cats. Still, he thought, today would not be a good day at the Alpine Catnip Factory
Netbook Dot Com
“Well this should be it,” said the short man, “The last remaining paper copy of The Odyssey.” He mused at the tattered book for only a moment before tossing it into the incinerator. The tall man frowned as he watched the flames eat the ink on the cover that said Homer. “This has been done before, it didn’t turn out well.” The short man laughed at him, tossing Dune into the inferno. “Here at netbook dot com, we don’t seek to destroy knowledge, only to own the rights to it. Netbook dot com has all your reading needs. You’ll learn…”
The Night Demon
Jax sat at the end of the bed straining his ears at the silent darkness around him, expecting it to shatter at any moment, the sense of an evil presence lurking in the shadows around him growing stronger by the minute. He breathed slowly and softly, moved not a muscle and readied himself to defend his sleeping family by whatever means necessary. From the shadows, a movement… yellow green glowing eyes pierced through the blackness, daring him. He dared it back… and as the razor clawed night demon leapt for the window blinds, Jax let out his mightiest bark ever.
Haunted
“I’d rather show you some different properties Mr. Peterson.” The real-estate agent stood nervously by the front door. “It’s in terrible condition and they say this house is extremely haunted… Nobody wants this house.” Mr. Peterson smiled at him. “I’ll take it.” “But…” the real-estate agent was shocked. “I said I’ll take it.” At the top of the stairs an apparition formed. The agent screamed and ran out the front door. Mr. Peterson looked up at the figure, mesmerized once again by the luminescent hair floating weightlessly around her beautiful face. “My love….” He whispered, “It’s been a long time…”
Black Holes
Mr. Winston was building a black hole machine. All day he’d been searching for the last few missing parts and he was almost positive that by morning, it would finally be functional. It was, of course, secret work… nobody would approve of him condensing Earth into a pinpoint of infinite density, but in the name of science, he felt it was appropriate. They’ll never even know, he thought, smiling sadly behind his wild beard as he pushed his rusty shopping cart a little faster towards his laboratory under the bridge. Mr. Winston’s dark eyes darkened further… They won’t even know…
The Shaolin Pencil
His white robes draped like clouds across his crossed legs, The Master sat in perfect repose before his student. “You’ve come a long way in your training. I am pleased.” he said, “Very few make it to this test. None have passed.” He produced from his robe a pencil and handed it to him. “This is The Shaolin Pencil. It allows those worthy to write entire books in mere hours. Are you worthy?” The student studied the pencil, then snapped it in half. “Master, am I half as fast now, or twice as productive?” The Master smiled. “We shall see…”
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